Ann and I were close friend since 1996. We went to the same school, attended the same church and we live only about 2km apart. Although we spent much time together every day, it was still difficult for me to comprehen her emotional state because it fluctuated so frequently.
One lively Sunday in 2004, I approached Ann after church fellowship and something unusual happened.
“Hello, Ann! Let’s go for lunch together?” I asked.
“…”
She acted as though I was non-existing. So, I tapped Ann on her shoulder and continued, “Ann, did you hear me? I…”
“I don’t want to talk to you, leave me alone!”
I was deeply shocked and hurt as Ann pushed my hand off her shoulder and walked away leaving me standing motionless. I tried in vain to recall if I had offended her in any where, and I deduced that it must be the result of her poor EQ. I was certain I had not done anything wrong. Nonetheless, our friendship meant so much to me that I could not bear to lose it. I decided to write Ann a letter to enquire about the unpleasant incident. In the personal letter, I mentioned that I was more than willing to apologize if I had offended her unintentionally.
After a few days of waiting in anxiety and anticipation, our ‘cold war’ finally ended when Ann replied to my letter. My face was red with embarrassment and guilt when the reason dawned upon me. How could I forget Ann’s birthday on the previous Saturday? I had promised that I would make her her favorite chocolate brownie yet I had let her down. I was so grateful that Ann accepted my sincere apology.
This year marks her14th birthday celebration with me. I better start brain storming and plan a fabulous birthday!
Through this incident, I have personally experienced the unpleasant consequences of making my judgement too quickly. However, I am thankful that this conflict was merely ‘velvet-hammer’ lessen that taught me the importance of being more socially aware and to overcome interpersonal conflict.
My dear classmates, if you were me, how would you perceive Ann's bad attitude at that point of time?
-EDITED-
Hi Elin!
ReplyDeleteI am glad that you took the courage to apologize and find out the cause of the 'cold war.'
You handled this conflict well and I am sure you girls have a very good relationship now!
See you around in class!
Hi Elin!
ReplyDeleteGosh, i am so envious of your close relationship with your best friend! It's good that you gals worked things out eventually. Otherwise, it's really a pity.
=)
Hi Elin!
ReplyDeleteIt's nice of you to take the initiative to apologise. Some people might not have the courage to do that.
I have also forgotten some of my friends' birthdays, and my friends sometimes forgot about mine too. I believe the strength of a friendship should not be judged simply on remembering birthdays.
Hi Elin
ReplyDeleteIt is so lucky that you made the effort to find out the reason of conflict. Otherwise your friendship with her may suffer for a long time.
The same thing happened to me before. My best friend invited to her birthday party. However, I forgot about it totally...
She was so furious. I appologized so many times that she finally forgived me. Till today we are still very good friends.
Now she is not very particular about me remembering her birthday since she gradually came to the realization that I am a very forgetful person. I always forget people's birthdays, including my own ;-P
Hi Elin
ReplyDeleteI think you made the right decision to ask your friend what had happened and finally figured out the real reason of her anger. When two people have an argument, there always has to be one person begining to apologize and start the conversion. I'm also the one who would try to solve the interpersonal conflict first.:)
Hi Elin,
ReplyDeleteif I were you, i would do the same thing.
as for birthday, i have not celebrated it for so many years and sometimes i even forget it.
well, your situation reminds me of one EQ principle, which is standing in others' shoes. if the person takes something seriously, then we'd better remember it, which can save us unexpected misunderstanding. and now i am trying to remember important people's birthdays, even though i still think nothing of mine :)
Elin, Thank your for sharing. This is a good description of the scenario, clear and concise with concrete details. The only difficulty, really, for the reader, is that you solve and interpret problem yourself. I see you've edited the post, but it is still a bit too transparent to present a dilemma.
ReplyDeleteThere are a couple minor language issues as well:
a) Ann replied my letter. >>> ?
b) I had promised that I will make her her favorite chocolate brownie .... >>> ?
c) ...the importance of being more social aware ... >>> ?
Thanks for all the feedback!
ReplyDelete